There are times in everyone’s lives that are generally the deciding years. Those years are most commonly located in the teenage era where you are constantly battling against forces that are trying to define you AND your choice’s make up what actually do. It’s a time of molding and shaping. When you get older those choices usually have been made and the voices of temptation to divert your ways are usually useless. I am not saying this is always the case. For me recently, AKA, the Tucson book festival I felt something that I have not felt for a very, very long time and it was the sway to change who and what I was. Being a new author is a learning experience and as the crowd came and started asking for more details of my book, exclusively content and such, I found myself doubting what I was and that I had made the right choices.
It seriously disturbed me and at first I couldn’t understand why I was so worried and hot and bothered about it. I struggled with this for no more than an hour and then it clicked naturally in my head. In that moment my 34-year-old common sense stepped in and said, “You are what you are and that’s that.”
Often times I believe the most harm that we do to ourselves is by not accepting who we are or even not accepting what we have been. Loving yourself is sometimes the hardest challenge. You might and I mean, we all do, have an ugly childhood picture that we would never, ever, in our entire lifetime want anyone to see. BUT it’s important to claim us despite the ugly duckling years or imperfections we find now in ourselves. It seriously boggled my mind that I had allowed that doubting temptation to come into my mind for even a second, because it is not me. I admit it had been a long time since I had experienced that type of struggle, but quickly remembered it, and acted accordingly. I am not tossed to and fro with the winds of opinion. I am who I am.
Even right now there might be people thinking. Wow, she admitted her age and I will tell you what, I earned every year of that 34 years. You cannot take a single one away from me and I am proud of them. I will also be posting one of the ugliest pictures of my life. Why? Because I claim it. In a world that is constantly trying to define our value or take it away from us we must find our self worth from the only source we can. Ourselves. That is not saying that there aren’t people that feel that value, but it is a power only we can activate. No one else can do it for us.
Now along with my words, I will add I believe in morality. I believe that there are things that we must direct ourselves to change because they do not fit in with good beliefs. Even if we look in the mirror and do not see our best self, change is never thrown off the table. We have the potential every single day to become the people we should and can be. Remember that no one can be you and it’s very important that you are you.
In a time in my life that was very, very dark I would often stay up all night with my thoughts, much like my main character Acantha. I would wake up at 2 am unable to sleep and get into my car and drive up the hillsides and watch the sunrise. My mind would toil through the problems and exude my feelings. It was a magical hopeful moment every time as I watched the fleeting few seconds that the sun brought as it peaked over the hills and pierced the sky for the first time. It was in that moment that I felt that today was a new day for new decisions. Accept what you have done that is wrong and move beyond it.
When I look at that little girl who was going through an ugly phase and even some bullying. I look back now and see a beautiful person. I see the best picture of myself that I have included as well. I encourage you to go find that picture or look yourself in the mirror and find the things you don’t necessarily like and start loving yourself for them.
I might not be everyone’s cup of tea. People will pass me by and people will dislike me. People will like what I am and what I do, but through it all, I am what I am, said the Author T. K. Thompson.